How Not to Act in Church (or Why Stun Guns Should Be Legalized)

The last two weeks at church have really been a test for me not because of our Pastor’s message but because some people really do need to be zapped with a stun gun.

Sunday I was extremely compelled to jerk a teenage boy out of his seat and whip him into submission because he continued to drape his legs over the seats as though he was in a Lazy Boy recliner.  The whole service he continued to do this and be a huge distraction all the while his parents sat there and simply ignored his rude and unruly behavior.

Last week we had two couples behind us, probably in their sixties, who apparently had not had enough conversation the entire week and whose batteries had all expired in their bionic ears.  They loudly bantered most of the service.  I almost turned around and told them our kids acted better in church at eight years old than they were behaving that day and that God would soon have to protect them from my mighty backhand about to follow.

While I do need to seek forgiveness for my violent and reckless thoughts it just abhors me how rude America has become.

The best place to really observe this rudeness is in places like *Wal-Mart where hugely overweight people will roughly push you out of the way -instead of asking- to get to their Oreos or you get run down by Hillbillies driving their beat up, duct taped pick-up truck going the wrong way in the middle of parking lot section.

What happened to the days where people showed respect for the people around them?  Where are the days of just plain common sense?

I remember a time where young men opened doors for ladies and the elderly instead of letting them slam on them.  Or when you talked back to your parents you got properly corrected with a swift kick in the pants.  There were days where people weren’t so consumed with their selfish attitudes and acted kindly towards others around them.  You could actually make it through a church service without a cell phone ringing during prayer time!

Friends, we need MUST get back to a day where kindness and selflessness are the norm.  We must have a renewed attitude that great values and morals are highly regarded instead of looked down upon.  We must move from a rude and self-centered society to one of respect and giving.  If not, our nation really has no hope for the future.  It will be worse than it is now.

So maybe stun-guns should be legal to carry and use at our leisure…

*Wal-Mart is a nasty,hideous place where you go to pay for your bad karma on earth.  It should be avoided at all costs.